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Marik's Evil Council of Doom 1/Transcript
Cast (In order of appearance): Marik, Pegasus, Yami Bakura, Rex, Weevil, Zorc, Bonz, Sid, Zygor, Akhunadin, Dartz, Amelda, Valon, Raphael Date: September 17, 2007 Running Time: 7:16 Special Title: Marik's Evil Council of Doom Transcript Somewhere in Egypt... MARIK: Welcome, gentlemen. I'm glad to see you all came. I have assembled all the Yu-Gi-Oh! villains into one place. This night shall see the end of Yugi Moto and his bum chum, the pharoah. With our combined evil, we shall defeat him! ...Somehow! Now for the evil roll call! Maximillion Pegasus! PEGASUS: This evil council is simply fabulous! MARIK: Bakura! YAMI BAKURA: Word to your mama. MARIK: Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood! REX: He said "wood." WEEVIL: Oh, yeah. Heheheheheh. MARIK: Zorc! ZORC: Helloooooo, Dallas! MARIK: Zombie boy! BONZ: Brains! like turtles. MARIK: Sid and Zygor! ZYGOR: Duh..... MARIK: And finally, Ak... Ak-Ak-Akhun... how do you pronounce this? Akhuna... Akuna Matata? Look, I'm just going to call you Bob, okay? AKHUNADIN: (mumbles incoherently) MARIK: Yes, okay. Now then, on to business. Evil business! Nyeh-heh-heh-heh! YAMI BAKURA: Wait a minute. Is this it? These are all the villains from Yu-Gi-Oh? MARIK: What are you blathering about? YAMI BAKURA: Come on, this can't be it. There's got to be more. I mean, what about Kaiba? MARIK: We don't need Kaiba. He would just slow us down with all his money and resources. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. YAMI BAKURA: He turned you down, didn't he? MARIK: Look, just shut the eff up. Kaiba isn't one of us. He's not villain material. He's more like an antihero: the worst kind of hero there is! They give us villains a good name! PEGASUS: But wait, I'm not a villain either. MARIK: Of course you're a villain! You were going to kill innocent people in order to bring back your stupid dead slut of a wife, remember? PEGASUS: I was just confused. I didn't know what I was doing. Honestly! YAMI BAKURA: Is that what you told your parents when they caught you making out with your boyfriend? REX: Heh-heh, heheyeah. WEEVIL: Heheheheh! Umm... I don't get it. MARIK: Silence! I command you all to shut the eff up. We didn't come here to discuss Pegasus's ambiguous sexual orientation. ZORC: I did! MARIK: Shut up! What we came here to do is defeat Yugi Moto, once and for all! BONZ: Brains. came here for the free tacos. MARIK: By the way, there are no free tacos. That was a lie. BONZ: Brains. figures. YAMI BAKURA: So how are we going to defeat Yugi? Are we going to kill him? Because I would be totally on board with that. Especially if it involves knives. I like knives. They make me feel all tingly. MARIK: No! We won't kill Yugi Moto! That would be too obvious! YAMI BAKURA: Too fun, more like it. MARIK: Drum roll, please. (pause) Come on, is it too much to ask for a effing drum roll? (drum roll starts) Thank you, for god's sake. In order to defeat Yugi Moto, we're going to... play a children's card game with him! Dun-dun-duuuuun! (drum roll continues) YAMI BAKURA: That's your plan? PEGASUS: I already did that. WEEVIL: Yeah, me too, heh-heh. MARIK: This will be no ordinary card game. It will... look, you can stop the drum roll now! (drum roll stops) Thank you. This card game will take place... on a boat! YAMI BAKURA: A boat. MARIK: Yes. Ingenious, isn't it? YAMI BAKURA: Why a boat? MARIK: Because, when he loses the card game, we'll...push him over the edge of the boat. ...Into the sea. YAMI BAKURA: And what, pray tell, will that accomplish? MARIK: Well, his hair will be soaked. It'll take him hours to dry it. YAMI BAKURA: Why do we even need to play a card game? Why can't we just push him off the boat? MARIK: ...No! The card game is integral to the plot! The evil plot! Of which I am the evil mastermind! REX: Uh... hey! Where are all the chicks? WEEVIL: Yeah, heh-heh, where are the chicks? MARIK: What did they just say? YAMI BAKURA: I think he wants to know why there aren't any women here. MARIK: Foolish fools! There are no women in Yu-Gi-Oh! There are only extremely girly men! And I am the most girly of them all! PEGASUS: Keep telling yourself that. YAMI BAKURA: Look, if we're going to defeat Yugi, we need to think of something truly evil. Something that doesn't involve children's card games. MARIK: What? No card games? You're insane! ...I mean, more insane than the rest of us! ZORC: I have an idea! MARIK: Oh? And what's your idea, giant monster man? ZORC: Why don't we destroy the world? (pause) People usually laugh when I say that. MARIK: Well, we're not laughing. By the way, what is that thing on your crotch? You know, that dragon head thing. ZORC: Oh, that's my willy. MARIK: Geez, man, put some effing pants on, will you?! What about you Bob, do you have any ideas? AKHUNADIN: (incoherent mumbling) MARIK: Yeah that's great, shut up. YAMI BAKURA: Wait a minute, if these are all the Yu-Gi-Oh! villains, then where are the stupid motorcycle freaks? You know, the ones from season four? MARIK: You mean the season nobody liked? YAMI BAKURA: That's the one. MARIK: I didn't invite them. They're just a bunch of dorks. YAMI BAKURA: For once, we agree on something. Meanwhile... DARTZ: This is an outrage! Marik is having an evil council meeting, and we're not invited! They've even got free tacos, the bastards! AMELDA: That Marik is so mean, boss! VALON: Crikey, mate, put another shrimp on the barbie, wouldya! RAPHAEL: Zug zug. DARTZ: We're not going to let him get away with this. We'll have our own evil council, and ours will be much better. And we'll have pizza! Pizza is better than tacos. Isn't that right, my evil motorcycle-riding henchmen? AMELDA: Hooray! RAPHAEL: Zug zug. Egypt MARIK: Come on! One of you mothereffers must have a decent plan to defeat Yugi! ZYGOR: Duh, I've got an idea. MARIK: Oh, goody. The big lurching freakjob has an idea. Well, go ahead and sock it to us, big man. ZYGOR: Duh, what if we stole his Millennium Item while he's asleep? Then he won't be able to stop us. MARIK: That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard! You go to the back of the class! ZYGOR: Oh, I'm so stupid. BONZ: Brains! him alone! MARIK: What is it, zombie boy? Do you have an idea that doesn't involve eating someone's brains? BONZ: Brains... actually... YAMI BAKURA: Enough of this! There's only one way to truly defeat Yugi Moto, and I know what it is! MARIK: For the last time, we're not killing him! Even if we did, those efftards would just censor it! YAMI BAKURA: We're not going to kill him. MARIK: Then tell us, Fluffy, what shall we do? YAMI BAKURA: I told you not to call me Fluffy in public. MARIK: Well, you're asking for it. Look at you! You look like a human Furby, for eff's sake! WEEVIL: I had a Furby once. I made it say things like, "I like to touch myself," heh-heh, and, like, "Boobies are great!", heh-heh! Furbies are cool. YAMI BAKURA: Listen to me, damnit. The only way to defeat Yugi Moto is to span his YouTube profile. MARIK: Spam his what? YAMI BAKURA: His YouTube profile. If we can send hundreds of rude messages to his YouTube profile, he'll have no choice but to surrender to our superior might. MARIK: That does actually sound like a good idea. It's very evil! I like it. Now, let's go defeat Yugi Moto once and for all! SID: Oy, I didn't get any lines! MARIK: Save it for the next video, Red. AKHUNADIN: (incoherent mumbling) MARIK: You said it, Bob! Elsewhere DARTZ: And so, in order to defeat Marik, we shall spam his YouTube account! AMELDA: Great idea, boss! VALON: Stone the flaming crows, the dingos ate my baby! Wotcha! DARTZ: I'm surrounded by idiots. RAPHAEL: Zug zug. Category:Abridged Transcripts